Saturday, 17 May 2008

What's this?! ANOTHER metal briefcase? Can I interest in you a rather nice manbag instead?

Lately, I have been very disturbed by the amount of metal briefcases I have seen on the streets of London. At first I thought it was a fluke, a coincidence. But now I am starting to draw parallels with my car (an old British racing green mini). On first buying this car (or as my dad likes to call it 'that heap of rusty shit you like to call a car') I remember thinking that you hardly ever see old minis on the road. WRONG! They are everywhere. I have come to realise that once something is on your radar, you start noticing them where you didn't before. And this, dear God is what I think happened with metal briefcases.

Up until a few weeks ago I was going about my normal life, safe and content in the knowledge that men carried their belongings in either their pockets, a rucksack, or some kind of man bag. However, over the past two weeks I have seen no less that five (yes that's FIVE) metal briefcases. Two (yes TWO) yesterday. That quantifies a trend to me. And I ask you. WHYYYYYYY?

I just don't believe that there are that many professional assassins living in my local area. But that is one of only four reasons to carry a metal briefcase:
  1. You are a deadly hired assassin on a mission to kill someone who has wronged someone you don't know. Your case contains a piece and a silencer.

  2. You are about to or have just picked up a drop of £50,000 in used notes.

  3. You are a mad scientist and you are carrying an antidote to some deadly virus that could wipe out the world in 5.3 seconds. The case is handcuffed to you.

  4. You are on a desert island and you found it amongst the wreckage (please be aware that it will contain one of the three options above though).
There are NO other reasons for carrying a metal briefcase. None. So, on the unspeakable off chance that I have stumbled upon some growing street trend here, I am going to try and nip it in the bud. If you see ANYONE carrying a metal briefcase (which you will, now I have brought it to your attention) and you can rule out with quite certainty that they are not from categories 1-4 above, then please, I beg of you, pass on this gospel: METAL BRIEFCASES ARE WRONG. THIS IS NOT THE 80S. SEEK TO REPLACE IT IMMEDIATELY. If time rich but cash poor, click on ASOS and browse. Feeling a little bit more extravagant? Then shimmy on down to Reiss. Wanna blow the budget and whack it on a credit card? Then get thy arse to Mulberry! Whatever you do, just throw that frickin metal briefcase in the bin and set fire to it (unless it is stuffed with £50,000 worth of used notes, in which case you should probably give it to me...)


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

ah! your blog is so fabulous. I especially love reading your anthropological view on fashion and what not.

but.... just had to let you know that my fiance is a musician. and his microphones come in a brief case much like the one pictured on the lovely sawyer.


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