Friday, 18 July 2008

The Modern Eyebrow

Before I get onto the subject of eyebrows, I'd like to start by saying I am really stupid. You see the London College of Fashion Magazine launch I posted about a few weeks ago was nothing of the sort. It was a complete con! A fabulous con complete with canapés and cocktails but a con non-the-less. It turns out that 'magazine' was actually code for 'prospectus' and I was the only person at the party that didn't psychically interpret that from the invite. Hurumpf. Anyway, the reason I'm embarrassing myself by telling you this, is that while at this event I had a defining moment in my search for the perfect eyebrow.

For some time now I have been in pursuit of the perfect 'modern' eyebrow. An eyebrow that is straight and thick and full. The journey originally begun last summer when I accepted a new job, I still had the harsh words of a make-up artist I was on a shoot with echoing round my head 'you have very old fashioned eyebrows'. Gawd dammit! I don't have old fashioned anything if I can help it! So, I let my eyebrows grow for 3 weeks whilst on holiday and had them threaded two days before I started the position. "New job, new shape" was my rationale. The look satisfied me for some time, they were a marked improvement on the dramatic brows that predated them (for which I blame Cosmo and my mam by the way. Both encouraged me to pluck far too young. I lacked experience, style and enough sense to know what I was doing was going to affect my looks for years to come. What resulted was a very Gothic architectural inspired shape that made me look permanently surprised). Eventually though the novelty of my reshaped eyebrows wore off, they were nice enough but they were still no Natalia.

Fast forward a little to the 'magazine' launch. I'm having fun, guzzling the free cocktails and sneering at the hoxtonites. No one would guess that I was in the middle of my very own browgate. I was over 6 weeks in. I was growing out my 'old-fashioned' shape to make way for the 'modern' eyebrow. If you were to sweep my fringe aside you would see the full horror of my situation. I looked (and still look) like I fell asleep in a play-school and was attacked by several million children armed with marker pens and an unusual affinity with Frida Kahlo.

Anyway, it was here while stroking the very in elusive and very long hair on my chin that I had a series of awful thoughts that went something like this - why won't my eyebrows grow as strong and as quickly as the hair that insists on inhabiting my face? What if they never grow in properly? My eyebrows STILL have baldy patches 6 weeks in! It's so unfair! I have alopecia of the eyebrow! As I get older I have less hair in the places I want and much, much more everywhere else. Does it simply serve to amuse Jebus that I have now have hairs in random places like my big toes? (Did I just grim you out there? I grimed myself out a little).

The panic settled in. I tried to disguise it by eating mini toad in the holes but that didn't work because some fucking genius decided to put horseradish on them. HORSERADISH ON PORK? Heathens. Panic was swiftly replaced by nausea and I was forced to put my thinking cap on just to distract myself. What should I do? What should I do to remedy this pickle I had found myself in?

And so I came up with a plan of action complete with contingencies if the unspeakable should happen and my eyebrows *gulp* remain sparse. Firstly, I set a deadline. I would give my eyebrows until just before my birthday to right themselves and if nothing had changed then I would have them threaded to as thick a shape as possible and move onto plan B. Eyebrow thickening products. If they won't grow, I'll just buy the hairy beasts!

My birthday is now less than three weeks away. And in case I need to resort to emergency action I've been trying as many products as possible i.e. as many as my job will allow me to call in without being fired. They range from the very cheap to the inordinately expensive. And being a kind, generous, helpful person I am sharing the best 3 with you:

Lancôme high precision eyebrow pencil: The colour lasts all day and is surprisingly natural. Many eyebrow pencils (Chantecaille's included!) can give your eyebrow an orange tinge and Lancôme manage to avoid that landmine.

Shavata heart shaped tweezers: Tweezing your eyebrows into a strong shape can make them look thicker. These tweezers are part of a mini kit that includes a mirror with 5 x magnification. Perfect for plucking! What I really love is the compact size and the kitsch design. The squeals my friends make when I pull this out of my handbag are unreal. My only gripe is that trying to get the tweezers out of the compact can be a bit fiddly.

Talika eyebrow extender: This is my favourite product by far. You sweep the head along your brow, it leaves fibres that mimic your eyebrow and create the illusion of thickness. Aye carumba! It's quite addictive, that's the only problem. Like pringles. Once you pop you can't stop. And if you apply too much your eyebrows become hard and glossy. A great product if you can show restraint!

So there you go. I have shared my knowledge. If I can save just one person from going through what I have experienced, my pain will all be worth it. *Wipes tear from eye*


1 comment:

Quail said...

Back in the days when 'Blue Lagoon' was deemed "soft porn" by Ofcom-esque critics...girls, women and ladies the world over were after Brooke Shields' brows. Even though I was only about 12 at the time the film hit the screens I recall stealing the TV guide and trying to compare brow shapes. I didn't understand plucking then, thank God. I'd seen a classmate years later with zero brows after a dodgy Grace Jones complex.

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