Thursday, 21 August 2008

The allure of the peep-toe boot

One of 'fashion's' greatest strengths is its ability to make us covet things that sometimes at best can only be described as ridiculous. For example, I stumbled across these 'vintage 80s neon leotard bandage onesie shorts' (the sellers words - not mine) on ebay, which are evil for so many reasons. And yet I find that I desire them. I long to touch the stretchiness of this obscure playsuit. It's absurd. But I feel myself drawn to them like a moth to a flame. Excited yet scared by the styling quandary they create. I can remember feeling like this 15 years ago. I was 11 and it was school sports day. I kept thinking that I needed to wee. It was actually nerves and adrenalin rather than a weak bladder. If I win... how will I work a gold badge / Lycra jumpsuit seamlessly into my existing wardrobe?

I feel the same way about the peep-toe boot as I do about the stretch clown suit from ebay. I first noticed peep-toe boots when they began to emerge on the catwalks last winter, I was temporarily distracted by a rather fetching boyfriend blazer though so didn't have time to give them any serious thought. However, I've since refocused my mind because they're starting to surface in stores and have been the topic of many a conversation at work. I have to admit, I want a pair so bad that I am considering going into Browns and licking this Marni pair in the vain hope that the sales assistant will take pity on the mad lady and and just comp me a pair.

Highly unlikely, I think you'll agree (not the licking obviously, the getting a pair for free). So, as I can't afford to buy so much as a button right now (I bid big on the neon onesie) I'm going to use this post as a form of therapy to help me through my shoe grief. It is after all a very wise action indeed for me not to purchase these divine Tory Burch boots from Net-a-Porter.
First and foremost, lets discuss practicality (blasphemous in fashion I know). Boots with holes in! Ha! HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's just asking for trouble given that the worlds population of 2 billion cows have decided to avenge us for eating them the only way they know how, by farting. They release so much methane that they have assured the destruction of the planet by accelerating global warming (it's definitely the cows fault, not ours). This has caused us to be plagued by rain even in August, never mind in the traditional boot wearing season! Feet that have prolonged exposure to cold, damp conditions get trench foot! I know! I'm willing to risk developing a hump back by dragging my enormous and over filled handbag around town; but a stinky fungal infection is quite a different kettle of fish. My vintage clothes hum-ding bad enough as it is, I really don't want to add another layer of smell to the situation. Oh, and don't even get me started on the aesthetics of these boots. The proportions are, well, plain strange. Clumpy and cumbersome.

Lastly, there is a strong chance that the peep-toe boot will be a flash in the fashion pan (like those pixie flats that turned up at the toe - remember those?). Next year everyone will snigger at them and be like "soooooooo 2008". Hmmm? Actually, thinking about it, maybe they will smile and be like "sooooooo 2008" in a good way? Because they are iconic. You know? Instantly recognisable for their sheer brilliance, like the Balenciga floral meets American football collection. And the proportions do sorta work really, dontcha think? A bit like a screwball icecream, odd yet delightful with a weird surprise at the end.

Oh, who am I kidding? I love them. I neeeeed them! I'm not ashamed! MY NAME IS EDITH PURDY AND I LOVE PEEP-TOE BOOTS! Godammit, they look good and I can wear them with my vintage 80s neon leotard bandage onesie shorts so they are practical after all! ARE. YOU. WITH. ME?!


OK, fine. I can live with that. The cheese stands alone. Just promise me that when I'm still wearing them next year and you say "they are soooooo 2008", that you'll say it with a smile and pretend not to notice the smell.


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