Wednesday, 6 August 2008

Return of the crop, once again

Ants always fall over on their right side when intoxicated. Fact. Madonna has no loo roll holder in her bathroom in London. She just stacks her toilet tissue on the floor. FACT. The crop top is back. FACT.

I'll start this session by responding to each of your rebuttals in order.

Yes, they really do always fall on their right side. Google says so - it must be true! And, I agree. Someone as rich as Madge really should have a toilet roll holder. If I had her money I would hire a small dancing monkey to hold my bog roll. I would call this monkey Geoff. Geoff would do a little dance every time I went into the bathroom. Finally, the crop top is back. With vengeance. Actually, not with vengeance. I just like the way that sounds.

You are right to be scared by this last fact by the way. There aren't many things scarier in this world than crop tops. Except maybe clowns. Clowns wearing crop tops.

The reason the crop top is able to induce such panic in us boils down to our perceptions of body image. A nasty side effect of this particular garment is that it emphasises our tummies. Very few people have a stomach that they are proud of. And even fewer of them have a belly that the rest of us would be happy to see habitually. It must be a very bad thing indeed that the crop top is having a resurgence. Right?

Wrong! And I shall tell you for why!

The crop top actually encourages us all to cover up our muffin tops!

How so? That is an excellent question, dear reader. I'm so glad you asked.

The average human being has no problem with wearing jeans that are slightly too tight. They don't tend to worry about a t-shirt that is just a bit too small. This results in many millions of people involuntarily yet frequently exposing their tummy region as they go about their day-to-day business.

I am one of these 'humans'. I wear jeans that create a small, soft (soft sounds better than flabby) overhang (overhang sounds marginally better than spare-tyre). My t-shirts are shit (shit sounds better than cheap) and ride up. This means that at random times during the day my belly just pops out. *POP* Much like a 5 year old child. Although I cringe and acknowledge that this must be very grim for my colleagues, it doesn't prompt me to buy new clothes in order to prevent this happening. For one, I am delusional enough to think that I will lose those few pounds (by doing no form of exercise) that cause this to occur.

And this is where the crop top really comes into it's own. While I can convince myself that no-one notices me constantly yanking my t-shirt down over my gut and that this behaviour is acceptable, I could never, ever, ever make my peace with having my 'soft' stomach on constant parade in the way it would be if I wore a crop top.

But I do intend to rock the crop top look. Oh yessum indeedio!

If the noughties taught us anything about fashion, it's that layering is 'key'. And to make the crop top work, layer it we must! Kingdom of Style has some quirky ideas on how to do this (see the image above) that are definitely worth test-driving. If however you are looking for something a little less controversial (and with less potential for a wardrobe malfunction) then you have a couple of options. A cropped, fitted top looks contemporary over a long t-shirt and a skirt that is slightly longer in length at the hem. Wear with 'fierce' shoes. Team a loose, cropped piece of fine knitwear with a shirt, some high-waisted wide leg trousers and bold jewellery for a sophisticated Marni-esque look. And, if all else fails just throw one on with your skinny jeans and whatever clean top you have to hand. Just make sure it's long enough to cover your belly.



Sister Wolf said...

Edith, are you saying "fierce" and "rock" just to get me going?

Edith Purdy said...

Heeeeeell Yeah.

Anonymous said...

If the crop top is back, then so is the high waist!

A bunch of people at my school looked at me funny this spring when I wore my high waisted black GO shorts from Target with a crop-top.
Its called being fashion forward suckas, and it is so much more flattering than low-rise could ever be. :-P

Wonderful post!


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